


Anagpesis

by orphan_account



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: M/M, angst???, break up dinner, i feel like its too fast but, rushed writing i guess, san cried, there's mingi yeosang seonghwa, when you fall in love you can see colors au, when you fall out of love it's all monochrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23315983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The colors start to fade, before they are finally out of sight as San fell out of love with Wooyoung. It is all monochrome, and an anniversary dinner wasn’t going as what he had expected.
Relationships: Choi San & Jung Wooyoung, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	Anagpesis

**Author's Note:**

> it's a rushed writing, so it's pretty shitty. also i tried as hard as i could to make it angsty but i just can't jskdjskds let me know if you like it!! 
> 
> anyway, anagpesis means no longer have any feelings for one you once loved.
> 
> <3 enjoy <3

“Which color suits me best?”

It was Yeosang’s voice that took San back to earth, after a few minutes wandering around in his own thoughts while chewing on his bottom lip untill he didn’t realize that it was bleeding. There stood his own best friend, holding two hoodies on his grip; his facial expression looked pissed since he noticed that San wasn’t paying attention to him at all.

“San, I didn’t ask you to come shopping with me if all you do is sitting there like an idiot, busy with your own thoughts,” Yeosang sighed, then made his own way towards San who seemed a little bit sorry for disappointing him. “Look, now tell me, which color suits me best?”

San sat there for a while. His eyes fixated on the hoodies that’s still on Yeosang’s handgrip. He noticed that the color had faded, though it still seemed like it’s red and blue. San couldn’t tell for sure. But he’s pretty confidence that those hoodies colors’ are pink and yellow.

“I think the pink one is,” San finally answered, alongside with an assuring smile.

But the respond that was seen on Yeosang’s face seemed a little bit unsure of the other’s answer. He frowned, eyes darted at the hoodies he’s been holding on, and looked back right at San, “Are you sure this is pink?”

San shifted uncomfortably on his seat, nodding a little bit, “That’s pink … isn’t it?”

There was a solid concerned look on Yeosang’s face before he grabbed San’s hand and took him to the cashier, along with the ‘pink’ hoodie that he had chosen, as he uttered, “You have to tell me what’s going on.”

“What’s going on?” San asked back, though he knew the answer better than anyone else. “Yeosang, my hand hurts—”

The other boy immediately let go of his grip on San’s hand, muttered a ‘sorry’ as he pulled out of his card that he would use to pay. “You know I’m your best friend, right?”

San responded with a small nod.

“You can tell me everything, dumbass. At least, let me help you.”

“I swear I’m fine,” San denied with a slight chuckle that escaped from his mouth. “Look, why don’t we just go home and get some rest after this? I’m sure you’re going to want to take some selfies in that pink hoodie, send some of it to Jongho.”

Yeosang chuckled at the name of his boyfriend being mentioned. Though as soon as the smile faded, a sigh slipped out of his lips, “The color’s _red_ , San.”

* * *

“Good morning.”

It was the first thing that came into San’s hearing senses when he opened his eyes. His small figure was still bundled up inside a blanket, hair as messy as it always been when he just woke up. The corner of his lips curled up into a smile when he saw Wooyoung—his beloved boyfriend of three years—sitting on the edge of the bed, his hand on top of San’s head as he caressed the other’s soft locks.

“How’s your sleep?”

Wooyoung’s raspy voice was heard. San tilted his head, frowning. He noticed something was off, but he didn’t quite catch it—yet. _Since when did Wooyoung dyed his hair to grey?_

“It— It was good,” San choked on his own words.

“Are you okay?” Wooyoung chuckled at his boyfriend’s weird behavior, patting his head softly. “Why are you stuttering like that? Don’t be shy, we’ve been together for three years, there’s no need to be shy when I clearly knew how loud when you snore.”

San immediately threw a playful punch on Wooyoung’s shoulder, emitted a laugh from the other that was being punched. “I’m going to make some pancakes for breakfast. You want some?”

“Of course I want some,” San pushed Wooyoung’s hand off of his head, then stretched his own body while yawning. “Go make some pancakes. I’ll brush my teeth first.”

“Great. I love you.”

As soon as Wooyoung walked out of their shared bedroom, San plopped back onto his pillow. In a verge of crying, yet he just stared into the nothingness of their bedroom’s ceiling. It was grey. The walls are grey. His hands were grey.

Everything inside that room, everything that caught in his sight, was now _monochrome_.

And San, muffled his cry on his pillow that morning.

* * *

“Tomorrow’s my anniversary.”

Out of nowhere, out of nothing. The sentence succeeded on emitting a shock expression that was written on his friends’ face. There were Yeosang, Seonghwa, and Mingi—just being bros on a casual day, hanging out on one of the bros’ place. This time, it was Mingi’s place.

“What the fuck, San?” Seonghwa snapped. He immediately sent a glare, in which San accepted wholeheartedly, along with a forced smile and raised eyebrows. “It’s been too long. You need to tell him.”

“That’s fucked up, but how the hell Wooyoung hadn’t found out until now?” Mingi, who was chewing on his chocolate bar, asked. “It’s been so long, though. Are you sure he never asked you something that’s related to colors?”

“No,” San answered in a stern voice. “Because we didn’t want to know, we didn’t want to find out, in case … one of us had fallen out of love.”

“That shit hurts,” Yeosang nodded his head, knitted his brows, eyes focused on San’s figure in front of him. “Did you got him a present? For your anniversary?”

“I was actually planning on breaking up with him.”

“San!”

“Jesus, no!”

“On your fourth anniversary? Are you for real?”

“You can’t be fucking real. You gotta be joking.”

But all they got was a small nod from San. And they knew that he wasn’t joking.

“That’s going to break his heart, like, real hard,” Mingi huffed, offering his popcorn to Seonghwa since he looked really upset with San’s decision.

“I can never find the right moment to—”

“There never is a perfect moment for a break up. No matter how careful you’ve thought about this a hundred times, break ups are always a real pain in the ass, San,” Seonghwa said, now chewing Mingi’s popcorn as well, once he finished talking. “But, I hope everything’s going to be fine. You’ve been with him for four years now. I hope it all ended well.”

San pressed his lips into a thin line. He had to do it. He need to do it tonight.

* * *

Wooyoung was already there when San got home. Their shared apartment looks pretty neat this time. It was decorated with some candles here and there, the room smelled like flowers and all the good things in the world, and Wooyoung looked way more attractive than he usually was. Well, he _is_ attractive. And San smiled at the thought of how lucky he was that he got the chance to love this man, at least once in his life.

“I know you hate corny things, but,” Wooyoung chuckled, walking towards San with a bouquet of flower in his grip. “Happy valentine’s day.”

“You’re such a dumbass,” San laughed at Wooyoung’s action, before taking the rose to his own hand and went in for a tight hug. “Happy anniversary.”

“Happy anniversary, too,” Wooyoung smiled between the hug, then kisses San’s crown for a mere second. “I cooked some pasta. We ate _tteokbokki_ last year. I figured we should try something new this time.”

“Thank you for considering it,” San giggled, then pulled away—not too far—, face still close with Wooyoung’s. “I’ve seen romantic movies that had pasta for dinner. You’re so adorable.”

“I know,” Wooyoung joked, then he pressed a soft kiss on San’s lips without a warning.

Of course, isn’t it normal for a couple to kiss? Yet he froze when Wooyoung’s pair of lips are now on his. It all happened so fast. Before San could reply the kiss, Wooyoung had pulled away. Now he’s leading San to their table, and being a gentleman he was, he waited for San to sit before he did.

“So, tell me about your day.”

San smiled, but it was a forced one, somehow. It was weird, how Wooyoung started the conversation with a question like that. No, not that it was an unusual question for him. But it did feel unusual, since Wooyoung never even once asked him that kind of question when it’s their anniversary dinner. He usually started the conversation with a sincere confession, such as how thankful he is to have San in his life, or expressing how much he loves him.

It used to give San a whole bunch of warm and fuzzy feelings. Butterflies flew around his stomach. Head dizzy with excitement, lips hurt from too much smiling.

But, now, his stomach churned in anxiety. The fact that Wooyoung was being unusual (though it was the slightest thing) and that he’s going to break up with this man tonight, made him want to throw up.

“My day was fine. Hanging out with my friends is something that will never bore me,” San replied, eyes darted to his pasta, feeding himself as he trying to swallow the jitters away.

“Sure,” Wooyoung emitted a lop-sided smile. His tone was somehow teasing. And San couldn’t be more nervous than any of that. He felt like Wooyoung knew something. _Does he?_

Words after words, sentences after sentences, stories after stories, and without realizing, they lost track of time. They talked, and talked, and talked, until Wooyoung broke the fun by pulling out a paper bag, which he claimed to be a present for San.

While the other apologized for not being able to buy a present (“I was really busy with my assignments, you know that, right?”), Wooyoung kept assuring him that it was fine. Relationship does take and give, but San didn’t have to do it at that moment, too (“You can give me my present next time, if there is.”)

By the time San accepted the paper bag, his stomach churned with anxiety again. It was a sweater. But, the problem is, he didn’t know what color it was. And Wooyoung was staring at him with his eyes beaming, and San swore he had never wanted to cry so bad in his life.

“It’s really nice,” San complimented the sweater, taking it out of its bag and feel the fabric. “Thank you so much. I swear I’ll give you present.”

“That’s okay,” Wooyoung waved his hand, a sign that San should stop worrying about it too much. “Hey, babe.”

“Yeah?” San looked up at him, a smile on his face.

“Do you love me?”

 _Why did he need a validation?_ San quickly pushed off those thoughts out of his mind. Instead, he flashed the sweetest smile to his boyfriend and nodded, “Of course, I love you, silly.”

“Great,” Wooyoung grinned, somewhat seemed satisfied with San’s answer. “So, how’s the sweater?”

“I love it so much,” San cooed, hugging the sweater tightly to his chest.

“San.”

Wooyoung called out his name again. This time, San didn’t respond. However, he did look up at his boyfriend, meeting his gaze. There, Wooyoung flashed a sad smile, as he soon continued, “Don’t lie to me.”

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” San, on the other hand, managed to emit a stiff chuckle. “What makes you think I’m lying?”

“It’s yellow,” Wooyoung said. “You hate that color.”

San immediately froze, as a pang of guilt washed all over him. San gulped, trying so hard not to cry since he was in a verge of crying. However, he failed.

He hid his face behind his hands, and he didn’t stop when he felt Wooyoung’s hand gently wrapped around his waist. Wooyoung was guiding him somewhere, San didn’t know and didn’t care at first—but as soon as he realized that they’re now sitting on a sofa, he couldn’t stop crying.

“I’m sorry,” San finally managed to blurt out those words. Wooyoung was still holding him, tightly, secured in his embrace. “I wanted to tell you since months ago, but I just couldn’t gather the courage to tell you that I’ve fallen out of love with you. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s alright, love,” Wooyoung whispered, his voice as calm as the wave’s ocean at midnight, along with the cold breeze. “I can’t blame you. We can’t blame what the heart wants, can we?”

“We can’t,” San shook his head, still sobbing. His shoulder was still shaking. “But I’m not supposed to hide it from you for months. I’m such a j—“

“No, you’re not,” Wooyoung denied, pressing a kiss on San’s temple. “You’re not a jerk. You will never be. It’s alright, love. I’m not blaming you. Calm down, take a deep breath.”

San did what he was told to do. So, for a while, they just sit there, in each other’s embrace. San’s face on the crook of Wooyoung’s neck, while Wooyoung rested his cheek on top of San’s head, caressing his back soothingly.

“So, I think it’s the time for us to say thank you for the amazing four years?” Wooyoung chuckled. He noticed how adorable San looked when he cries. His cheeks puffed, dry stain of tears, he looked vulnerable at that moment. Wooyoung wished he could see it for the rest of his life.

But, the problem is, he couldn’t.

“Thank you, for everything you’ve done for me. And I’ll keep this yellow sweater, since I can’t see the color anymore, so what’s the point?” San laughed. Wooyoung did too.

That night, both of them had a closure. Though the little trace of guilt was still there, at least they could spend the night for the last time. Even though San couldn’t see colors now, he didn’t have to—since Wooyoung’s lips, skin, and how his cheeks blushed, are still memorized in his remembrance.

Little did he know, Wooyoung couldn’t sleep that night. His mind wandered to somewhere else, _something_ else; the _sweater_. Honestly, he didn’t know what color it was. He didn’t know. Was it actually yellow? What if it was purple, San’s favorite color? What if it was red? What if it was blue? What if someday, San gained the ability to see colors (when he falls in love with someone) again, and noticed that he lied to him?

Wooyoung couldn’t sleep that night. Everything was black and white. It was pretty clear that everything that’s in sight was monochrome, and he’s gotten used to it. The only thing that wasn’t clear, was how he fell out of love with San, too—and he _lied_.

**Author's Note:**

> p.s : if any of you is still confused, the colors start to fade once they fell out of love with their partner. and it's pure black and white, monochrome, if they had no feelings left for them anymore.
> 
> wooyoung figured out first that san’s fell out of love. he’s just to good at hiding it.


End file.
